There are the definite reasons for children’s peculiar behaviour and changes in it, and often parents think that the child should understand their point or subject. At the same time, the child is also having similar expectation from the parents, that they too, should understand his mind-set.

Whenever a child disobeys or refutes the parents’ and/or elders’ instructions, orders, advices, warnings and so on then there are some specific reasons behind that.

  • When a child is repeatedly given the same instructions then he ignores them.
  • When the parents are labelling the child with insulting words like naughty, dull, stupid, idiot, useless, and outlined and so on then he resists to follow their instructions and advices.
  • If the parents give instructions or advices to the child without heeding him or without understanding him properly or without bringing him into right atmosphere then he is not accepting them.
  • When the children start to believe that they are grown-up and mature enough then they begin to give deaf-ears to the parent advices and instructions.
  • Often the children test the levels of the parents to understand them by ignoring their advices and instructions and later they continue this attitude in future too!
  • If there is hypocrisy or pretentiousness, insensitivity, unacceptability of emotions, rudeness and autocracy in the behaviours of the parents than the children don’t accept or ignore the instructions and suggestions from them.
  • Often, the children are avoiding to give answer in the classroom because they feel that if once the answer is correct than the teacher will always ask them to get-up for the reply. Because of the similar psychology, the children are adopting similar attitude at home with thinking that if once they are conceding instructions from the parents then they will have to always follow them!
  • If the parents don’t understand the psychology of the children and think that they must heed their instructions than it causes more problems.
  • If the children are kept under strict control, repeatedly given negative instructions, freedom is taken-away or their friends are not accepted than also they avoid their parents.
  • Taking their opinions for the decision pertaining to them, giving importance to them, their point is accepted one way or another, their self-respect is guarded, giving them a feeling that they are being trusted then the children are following the instruction and advices from the parents.
  • The kids are your children, not property. In your behaviour if the children feel that you are acting like you are very powerful man and your decisions must be accepted by them then to establish their own power the children starts to oppose you.
  • If the parents don’t give quality-time and don’t spend privilege-time with kids than they avoid mother and father.
  • Often the child attempt to convey a message by avoiding the parents, he is not able to make them understand and parents not able to understand thus to make them realise he opposes them. However, if the parents accept his resistance and ask him with patience for the reason of his resistance then they will come to know it.
  • When the parents are just giving 30 minutes daily to the child. And of that they are spending 12 minutes in interrogating him, 5 minutes in finding out his mistakes, 5 minutes in correcting him, 3 minutes in giving their opinion and just 2-3 minutes to let him talk, then, the child is listening them with the deaf-ears.
  • Whenever you have oppose to the child then move away from him, get pacify, give him space and time to express his resistance and if an attempt is made after sometime to make him understand than the child is giving very good response.
  • When a tired father returns home from the work in the evening and then if mother immediately complaints about the child than under the circumstances the father gives negative and harsh reactions. As a result, when father arrives home the child feels his problem has arrived home, not a solution. Therefore, when the father arrives at home then the child attempts to runaway, hide, pretend to be engrossed in the study. Thus, when the attempts are made to make talks in such uncomfortable atmosphere than the children avoid listening.

Brhamakumari Shivaniben has rightly said that, “The father gets tired by evening, after working whole day in the office, so he returns home with completely discharged battery. And in the morning he goes to office with a fully charged battery. So generally when father meets the child, he normally is out of energy. Thus, how could he spend quality-time with the children?”

The problem could be solved easily if the parents change themselves slightly rather than trying to change the child.

– Jaydev Sonagara (Excerpt from his book “Parvarish – Making Children Successful”)


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