A child’s existence, development, his/her health and self-confidence completely rests on the normal relationship shared between parents. Easy, tolerant, gentle–pleasing, good and cordial relationship between father and mother can always have a very positive influence on the children. While circumstance where the parents experiencing disagreements, arguments, difference of opinion, disputes or divorce are going to have negative effects on the psyche of a kid.

For a principal, who is struggling to develop an association with a child, the struggle and strife experienced by a divorced couple brings the utmost sad affair in the entire process of education. Though the separated parents might be able to get the custody of a child but they utterly fail to restrict negative attitude despite giving their wards best of the facilities and physical comforts. Even after a year of divorce, gradually children’s attitude tends to become negative, harsh, dejected, angry and protesting one. Also such children’s result too gradually gets lower. Children of such separated parents later on grow a sense of insecurity, lack of self-confidence, indecision and nurse negativity in subconscious mind while moving on in their lives. Many times such children take to the negative activities and crimes.

For kids, it is the relations with parents that are more important than that of getting physical comforts and facilities. For them conversation is more significant than the instructions. It is the gentleness which gets preference over advices. Kids, who do not even learn after thousands of instruction to be helpful to others, may well pick up it in just mere one instance mere while observing his/her parent’s dedication towards each other; mother and the father.

The tradition of giving away oneself for the other selflessly, being tolerant to each other is breaking away as an individual has been drifting from values of joint family to nuclear one and from having an individual room to more secluded privacy including separate TV sets and range of facilities at their disposal for each family members of the home under one roof. Therefore sometimes family bonding and values are stronger in the people living in smaller houses.

Divorces affect the boys the most. In such cases, boys seem to face more problems while girls turn out to be more tolerant and able to put up with its consequences. Also the feeling of insecurity is seen more among those whose parents shifts the accommodations and schools more often.

Divorce tears apart the individuality of a kid into two. The struggle of getting custody of a child literally reduces them into a property that the mother and/or father hell-bent on acquiring. For kids these types of struggle among parents stoke a feeling of hatred towards both.

One day a divorcee mother came to meet her son, a third standard student Nikunj, who stays with his father, who already had submitted a court letter of having child’s custody with him in the school. In wake of this, the desperate mother took a firm stand, seeking one glance of her son even through window-glass of the classroom, but denied permission to see her son one-on-one. Even the mother was apprised about her son’s pitiable plight in such a situation and persuaded to settle the issues with her husband. And, when Nikunj was called inside the school office his moist eyes were speaking everything, especially the happy moment of seeing his parents together. Without wasting a moment, the trio was requested to watch the movie – Baghban.

In tenure spanning over 20 years as a principal I have aided so many such settlements between husband and wife; and even witnessed changes which the couples accepted wholeheartedly.

A husband and wife should always discuss their problems only in the absence of their children. Couples must not treat the child differently with an intention to influence in such a way that the child surrenders to one of the individual, either mother or father. Do not expect solutions of your issues from your children. Parents must show immense respect for each other and if possible, address your kids with honour. Show extreme tolerance over small-petty issues and refrain from getting into argument or quarrel.

Instead of trying to change the other person; one should bring a small little change in himself. One should develop a strong sense of ‘let bygones be bygones’ and try to forget issues. Beware of the fact that attitude, talks and issues of some other must not disturb the peace of your house. Avoid discussing or dragging the family members and common relatives of either husband or wife into the conversation. Letting the past goby, one must focus on bright future. Family is only pillar of our human-life system. All the struggles of life, development and happiness will turn into pain and unhappiness if family matters get bitter and marred by allegations.

– Jaydev Sonagara (Excerpt from his book “Parvarish – Making Children Successful”)

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One thought on “Discord among parents is unbearable for children

  1. I myself pass through these situations. It was horrible. Now my son is not ready to talk with me. I feel regret all the time. Some time I am weeping when I am alone. I am writing a diary in memory of my son.


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